" NAA JAANE KYUN...."
“ kabhi kabhi kuchh chhuta chhuta sa lagta hai…lagta hai jaise kabhi kuchh payaa hi nahin thaa…jo hai usmein khud ko hamesha adhoora adhoora sa paata hoon…. Bheetar hi bheetar ek khalipan sa mujhe kachotta rehta hai…baahein failaata hoon to meri hi parchhayi usmein samaa jaati hai…aur kuchh uljhey se sawaal karti hai…lagta hai…maano jahaan bhar ki tanhai un sawaalon mein simat aayi ho….aansoo aankhon mein itne gahrey doob gaye hain ki…chah kar bhi nahin chhalaktey…. ek ajeeb sa thahraa thahraa sa ehsaas palkon par hamesha sehmaa sa rehta hai….dil tak dimaag ki baat pahunchti nahin… aur…saansein hain ki dimaag ki sunti nahin …kabhi kuchh khoobsurat sa pal aata hai….to lagtaa hai…ki khaab hai…palak jhapaktey hi achanak ojhal ho jaata hai…aur phir sab kuchh pehle ki tarhaa khaali khaali sa lagtaa hai…pataa nahin mann kis soch mein rehtaa hai….kya chahiye ye bhi mujhe nahin maloom…bas barson se kuchh dhoondh raha hoon mai….chun chun kar ikatthaa karta hoon un khoobsurat lamhon ko…lekin…naa jaane kaise meri ungaliyon ke beech se saare lamhe ret ki tarhaa phisal jaate hain…phir saara din saari raat mein un lamhon ko sametne ki koshish kartaa hoon…par har baar meri koshish naa jaane kyun naakaam hi rehti hai…aur phir ek baar mai mayoos si apni nigahon mein bechain si talash liye behataasha ho kar kahin aur nikal padtaa hoon…shaayad is khwaahish mein ki kahin aur kuchh aisa mil jaaye mujhe …jissey mai apna khaalipan door kar sakoon ….magar har taraf mujhe apna hi chehra dikhaai deta hai baar baar…. aur har baar mere chehre par wohi gumsum si tasveer nazar aati hai…jitna aagey mai chalta jaata hoon tasveer utni hi dhundhli hoti jaati hai…mai bahut koshish kartaa hoon ki wo dhundhlahat door ho jaaye…lekin jitni koshish kartaa hoon sab bekaar jaati hai…aur jaise hi mai khud apne hi aks ko pakadne jaata hoon to…wahaan ek dum andheraa sa chhaa jaata hai…sab kuchh sunsaan sa lagtaa hai us samay… aankhein dekh kar bhi andhi si ho jaati hain….aisa lagta hai…koi binaa chhuey kuchh kehnaa chahtaa hai mujhse…lekin wo aawaaz naa jaane kyun mere kaanon tak nahin pahunch paati … magar uska wo unchhua sa ehsaas mere rom rom mein hamesha ke liye bas jaata hai…apna sa hone ka saboot de kar wo naa jaane kahaan ghum ho jaata hai….lekin mai pal pal khud apne hi aks ka adhoorapan jeeney ke liye majboor ho jaata hoon….aur phir se ek khaali khaali sa …..kuchh haath se chhuttaa hua …bheetar hi bheetar kuchh kachottaa sa saaya mere charon aor mandraane lagta hai…aur mai chah kar bhi naa jaane kyun us akelepan ke saaye se bahar nahin nikal paata ….jo mujhse pyaar kartey hain…wo shaayad is akelepan ko samajh hi nahin paate…sab kuchh theek hai mere aas paas…magar naa jaane kyun mere andar hi kuchh bigad gayaa hai…jise theek karne ki koshish mein …mai khud hi apne bheetar ek uljhaa sa sansaar banaa baitha hoon…jismein ulajh kar mere aas paas ki khoobsurat cheezein bhi ab khud – b – khud mujhse door hoti jaa rahin hain…
Naa jaane kyun aisa mere hi saath kyun hota hai…mai aisa nahin kahoonga….par phir bhi… mujhe koi shikaayat nahin hai meri zindagi se…jitnaa wo de rahi hai shaayad utnaa hi mere hissey ki zindagi hai…ho sakta hai…mera ye akelapan ehsaas zindagi ka doosra pehloo ho…jo mujhe kuchh samjhaane ki koshish kar raha ho…dekhte hain baaki safar mein kya hota hai….
Abhi to haath se chhuti ret mein hi mai khud ko dhoondh rahaa hoon…
Naa jaane kyun, khud hi ko sametney mein itna waqt lag rahaa hai….
“ Vikram choudhary…”
“ kabhi kabhi kuchh chhuta chhuta sa lagta hai…lagta hai jaise kabhi kuchh payaa hi nahin thaa…jo hai usmein khud ko hamesha adhoora adhoora sa paata hoon…. Bheetar hi bheetar ek khalipan sa mujhe kachotta rehta hai…baahein failaata hoon to meri hi parchhayi usmein samaa jaati hai…aur kuchh uljhey se sawaal karti hai…lagta hai…maano jahaan bhar ki tanhai un sawaalon mein simat aayi ho….aansoo aankhon mein itne gahrey doob gaye hain ki…chah kar bhi nahin chhalaktey…. ek ajeeb sa thahraa thahraa sa ehsaas palkon par hamesha sehmaa sa rehta hai….dil tak dimaag ki baat pahunchti nahin… aur…saansein hain ki dimaag ki sunti nahin …kabhi kuchh khoobsurat sa pal aata hai….to lagtaa hai…ki khaab hai…palak jhapaktey hi achanak ojhal ho jaata hai…aur phir sab kuchh pehle ki tarhaa khaali khaali sa lagtaa hai…pataa nahin mann kis soch mein rehtaa hai….kya chahiye ye bhi mujhe nahin maloom…bas barson se kuchh dhoondh raha hoon mai….chun chun kar ikatthaa karta hoon un khoobsurat lamhon ko…lekin…naa jaane kaise meri ungaliyon ke beech se saare lamhe ret ki tarhaa phisal jaate hain…phir saara din saari raat mein un lamhon ko sametne ki koshish kartaa hoon…par har baar meri koshish naa jaane kyun naakaam hi rehti hai…aur phir ek baar mai mayoos si apni nigahon mein bechain si talash liye behataasha ho kar kahin aur nikal padtaa hoon…shaayad is khwaahish mein ki kahin aur kuchh aisa mil jaaye mujhe …jissey mai apna khaalipan door kar sakoon ….magar har taraf mujhe apna hi chehra dikhaai deta hai baar baar…. aur har baar mere chehre par wohi gumsum si tasveer nazar aati hai…jitna aagey mai chalta jaata hoon tasveer utni hi dhundhli hoti jaati hai…mai bahut koshish kartaa hoon ki wo dhundhlahat door ho jaaye…lekin jitni koshish kartaa hoon sab bekaar jaati hai…aur jaise hi mai khud apne hi aks ko pakadne jaata hoon to…wahaan ek dum andheraa sa chhaa jaata hai…sab kuchh sunsaan sa lagtaa hai us samay… aankhein dekh kar bhi andhi si ho jaati hain….aisa lagta hai…koi binaa chhuey kuchh kehnaa chahtaa hai mujhse…lekin wo aawaaz naa jaane kyun mere kaanon tak nahin pahunch paati … magar uska wo unchhua sa ehsaas mere rom rom mein hamesha ke liye bas jaata hai…apna sa hone ka saboot de kar wo naa jaane kahaan ghum ho jaata hai….lekin mai pal pal khud apne hi aks ka adhoorapan jeeney ke liye majboor ho jaata hoon….aur phir se ek khaali khaali sa …..kuchh haath se chhuttaa hua …bheetar hi bheetar kuchh kachottaa sa saaya mere charon aor mandraane lagta hai…aur mai chah kar bhi naa jaane kyun us akelepan ke saaye se bahar nahin nikal paata ….jo mujhse pyaar kartey hain…wo shaayad is akelepan ko samajh hi nahin paate…sab kuchh theek hai mere aas paas…magar naa jaane kyun mere andar hi kuchh bigad gayaa hai…jise theek karne ki koshish mein …mai khud hi apne bheetar ek uljhaa sa sansaar banaa baitha hoon…jismein ulajh kar mere aas paas ki khoobsurat cheezein bhi ab khud – b – khud mujhse door hoti jaa rahin hain…
Naa jaane kyun aisa mere hi saath kyun hota hai…mai aisa nahin kahoonga….par phir bhi… mujhe koi shikaayat nahin hai meri zindagi se…jitnaa wo de rahi hai shaayad utnaa hi mere hissey ki zindagi hai…ho sakta hai…mera ye akelapan ehsaas zindagi ka doosra pehloo ho…jo mujhe kuchh samjhaane ki koshish kar raha ho…dekhte hain baaki safar mein kya hota hai….
Abhi to haath se chhuti ret mein hi mai khud ko dhoondh rahaa hoon…
Naa jaane kyun, khud hi ko sametney mein itna waqt lag rahaa hai….
“ Vikram choudhary…”
1 comment:
shabadho ko bahut khubsurati se samaita hai...apni baat bolne ke liye...
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